he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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