Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
