I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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