Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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