I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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