I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
