I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
