you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
