you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Boobs speak an international language.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
