I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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