I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
