Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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