I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
