I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
