I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
