We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
