we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You're a waste of cheezeits
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
