i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
