You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
