Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
