I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
