btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
