You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
