im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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