Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
