Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
