You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
