I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
