i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
