my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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