He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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