I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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