I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
