I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
