she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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