I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
