you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
