Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am spending my child support on dildos
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
