You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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