using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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