his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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