I wanna passion pit in your ass
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
