2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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