My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize