Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
