Your face is a jimmy john
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How does one acquire holy water?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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