you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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