i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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