I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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