Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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