Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
