Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
