dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I looked at my own cervix.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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