my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
