if you like me you must not know who I am
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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