I can tuck mytits in my pants
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
