census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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