I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
