I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
