Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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