Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
