Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
