i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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