He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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