i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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