She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
