nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
