I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
