Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
