Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
