I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You took a bar mat shot.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize