The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
ok first of all what the fuck
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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