Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
