One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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