How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
