It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
